Tonight has been exhausting. One thing after the next (while daddy is up late at work) and the last boy finally fell asleep at 10:30pm. It was Tee. He was sitting at my kitchen table around 10:15pm, drinking a cup of kefir and watching me lay out the grain to be dehydrated. His tired mind was running and the “when I am biggers” were all over the place. For all of the disobedience, up and downs, reminders, shushing, water cups, blankies, pulling boys out of the room, putting them back in, only to pull them back out again…for all of that, I will mainly remember his tired eyes, his 4-year-old eyes, already thinking of what he’ll be able to carry when he is bigger.
He truly thinks he is encouraging me with all the things he will relieve my life of. Little does he know, I’m often fighting back tears during these talks. I know one day many of these “when I am biggers” will be true and I will miss holding his hand in the street. Miss protecting him so simply. But also know what my sons are being raised to do. Tearfully, I must submit my sons lives to the Lord.
And tonight a “when he is bigger” prayer for my 4-year-old son: That the burdens of life will never pile him. When they seem heavy, may he put his face to the cross (may it be a familiar sight), stretch out his back to receive the burden and walk. Walk in submission. Walk in obedience. Walk in the joy of serving our heavenly King. May their relationship be rich and blessed; so much so that my son(s) never skirt the burdens of life, but seek them out to grow the kingdom.
I know I’m asking a lot. I’m asking for it all. A relationship with Christ and to love what He loves.
Sleep tight tonight young prince. Tonight your world is small, but it won’t always be that way. You’ve got a mama and papa out here praying for a broad back and heart full of obedience and submission to your heavenly Father. Rest and grow so that you may best serve Him.
This is how big men are grown; around the kitchen table dreaming of “when I am bigger”. One night at a time sweet boy; it’s all your mama can handle!
- When I am bigger I will drive the car for you
- When I am bigger I can drive a motorcycle
- and I will buy it with my own money
- I will spread out the grain to dehydrate for you
- I will make BIG piles of grain, that is how I will do it
- Maybe I will read books to you
- and I can read to Catcher and Oliver too
- When I am bigger I can hold my own hand in the street, you don’t need to hold it for me
- And when I am bigger I will go talk to Papa
- I will see him in heaven when I am bigger
- You can come too mommy
- When I am bigger I will wash the towels
- and mop the floor
- and you don’t need to buy me toys, I can buy them
- When I am bigger I will ride on airplanes all by myself
- maybe I will go see Bebe and Zpa
- But that is silly because I can drive there
- I will drive to see Bebe and Zpa all by myself
- Catcher can come with me
- He is my best friend
- We share cars
- But he took my white car away from me tonight then gave it back to me. That’s what happened.
- When I am bigger Olly Bolly can have my cars
- He won’t be a baby then and can play with cars too.
- When I am bigger I will brush my teeth without you in the bathroom
- And I will floss too. But it’s hard to get it around my fingers
- I will have bigger fingers when I am bigger
- How many night nights till I am bigger?
- 10 night nights?
- When I am bigger I can have my blankie
- It’s ok that my blankie sleeps with me
- My blankie is my best
- When I am bigger I will have my own house
- You can come to my house mommy
- We can all live there
- And I will go to work like Daddy does
- I will drive my car there
- How many night nights before I can drive Daddy’s car?
- When I am bigger I can drink beer
- How many night nights before I can drink beer?
- In 17 years, I can drink beer
- I like beer
- Beer is for big boys
- How many night nights again till I am a big boy?
Good night Tee…