A week ago today, earlier this morning, I was in labor and about to birth our fourth son, Atticus. But it was different this time. I was in the worst pain of my life. With each wave of contraction came an acute pain in the front of my abdomen. I later learned I was having a partial placental abruption. His placenta was literally ripping from my uterine wall.

In those final pushes, much discouraged that I would not be able to get him out, I pushed with a scream intending to rip my body open. We do that as mothers, carry the scars (proudly) of our children. And just like that, his head full of red hair, followed by his body were out.

And then I lost a lot of blood. And my blood pressure dropped. So much so that I passed my newborn off to Thom and don’t remember much after that. But I’ve been on bed rest this past week because of it.

I am so thankful to be sitting here on Mother’s Day, exactly one week out, holding my precious Attie and only knowing that ripping pain as a memory. I’m so thankful my intentions of ripping apart did not rip me apart. Recovery has felt slow, but it’s coming.

I intend to share my birth story with you soon. I’m trying to figure out how to tell it. Attie’s journey in utero and his birth are my greatest example of personal brokenness I know at a heart level. Even in the last moment before his head emerged, I reached my lowest. And yet, didn’t rip apart. I worship a patient and mighty creator. This morning, one week out, I am holding sweet life.

His little life made it to the peds this week. I’m not sure he’s gonna want to go back.

I couldn’t go with him to the peds because of bed rest and it broke my heart. He did calm right down at home.

Day four we discovered the changing table isn’t his favie either…must remind him of the probing doc.

To recovery from losing so much blood, I’ve been juicing and sucking down water. Beets, sweet potato, chard and carrots are my current favorite combination. And I’ve been eating about 8 soft-boiled eggs a day. 8. It’s been my strongest craving yet. I love that nursing mamas appetite. I love to eat!

We are in need of meals the next couple weeks, more frequently than after my other deliveries. Orlando friends, if you want to be included in bringing a meal, email my friend Jenn D. {jenndeloach at hotmail dot com} and she’ll put you on our takethemameal.com list. Or go there yourself. User name “Cunningham” and our password is our fourth sons name.

Even if you don’t bring us a meal, you may want to check out what our creative friends will be making for us. For instance, tonight (may 8th) we are really looking forward to what Brad N. has prepared. And the McDougs a little further down, our favorite :). Check it out; our friends are hilarious…and I’m just waiting on the McDs happy meals. Any takers? Anyone?