At 2:45am there was a whimpering, squishy two and  a half-year old shivering at the foot of my bed, “mommy there’s something in my pants“.  I jumped up before my eyes were open, happy to find him only wet and the rest of his accident puddled next to his potty in the hallway.

Lord thank you for hardwood floors and tile throughout our house.

Ollie was insistent that he cuddle with me in my bed.  It didn’t go over so well when I put him back on his pallet.  Gotta be potty trained to make it into this bed bubba.

He was crying and resistant and I was tired and delirious.  And then I remembered, I have a husband!  He’s also your daddy! Best news ever!

Thom, very willingly, laid with Ollie on his pallet until he was back, fast asleep.

Ahh, my bed felt so great.  The morning still seemed far enough away.

The tossing set in.  The turning set it.  Getting cold.  My belly was growling.  No man to cuddle with.  No dry toddler to cuddle with.  And my belly was getting louder.

I finally walked downstairs, realizing my blood sugar was low and let’s go ahead and appease for sleeps sake.

As I’m waiting for the water to boil for some soft-boiled eggs, I grabbed a fistful of Fruit Loops–a box near by bought for the sole purpose of boys pee pee target practice.

Huge hit with the older, already potty trained, children.  Ollie?  Couldn’t care less.

Ugh.  That first bite of sugared food die and corn with more sugar was gag worthy. And I used to love crap cereal.

I grabbed the box and read the ingredients.  Sugar is first?!  Red die #40! Corn crap this and corn crap that.  Some crap soluble fiber. And don’t forget some anonymous crap hydrogenated oil.  Why can’t they decide between cottonseed, soybean or coconut in the hydrogenated form?  They give you options that they used one of the three, but why are they giving me options?  As if any of the three will kill me more slowly than the next.  Just tell me which plastic, artery killing, genetically modified ingredient you used already.

The Fruit Loops were a  massive disappointment.

At this point, I’m watching my water start to boil.  It was a moment in my life.  All bleary eyed and YES(!) I watched a pot and it DID(!) start to boil!

My mouth was so dry from that cereal.  I went to grab my water bottle and stopped.

Wait, I shouldn’t have water at night, I’ll have to pee.

Yall, I SET THE WATER DOWN.

And then, it took a moment, I AM POTTY TRAINED.  What the hell!  Give me that water!

The eggs were the best thing I’ve ever eaten.  And then back to bed with a slight feeling of success at the realization that at least I am potty trained.  And clearly, I was gonna need more sleep.

 

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